It’s so refreshing to read about other people like me.
Yes yes! Routine and rituals are huge, but I function so much better if they’re imposed on me. Which makes me resent my obligations sometimes, but it’s stupid because I need them to survive. On my own time, I’m either moving 1000 mph and can’t stop going, or I’m helplessly stuck on the couch. Inertia is huge for me. I wholly embody the definition: A characteristic of an object that resists changes to its state of motion.
The stupid thing is that I’m always either a stagnant slug or balls to the wall, but I equally hate both states. When I’m working my ass off I love it for a short time, but soon start resenting the neverending heaps of work. But I loathe myself when I enter the sluglike state, and beat myself up for not accomplishing anything. I can’t ever truly relax. I have a ton of hobbies I’d love to pursue, but I feel like I’m wasting time when I actually sit down to do them. So instead I either pack my days off full of meaningless productive crap to keep myself busy, or I sit on the couch doing nothing whilst lamenting all the time I’m wasting and all the fun things I could be enjoying.
The answer is obviously finding a balance, but even with medication/exercise/nutrition achieving balance is a constant struggle. I’m female, and I know this symptom presentation is common for women with ADHD-PI. But even knowing what I need to do, fighting my own inertia day in and out is truly exhausting. You’re not alone!